Well here we are 3 weeks before my surgery date for a Gastric Bypass.

I feel like I've been put through the ringer trying to get approved, taking the classes, waiting...and waiting...and waiting.
But Glynn and I were finally approved for surgery and we have our dates set. We still have to get a battery of pre surgery tests done at the hospital but it feels like its really gonna happen now.

The thing I've been really pondering over is how my personality will fit into a skinny me. I have always been fat, ALWAYS. I feel as though being fat gave some of the traits I like most about myself, like I am seriously funny you guys, for real.
I knew when I was 12 and I realized I was fat and everyone in my family was fat and that I would probably be fat all my life. I would have to be a little smarter and funnier and wittier to get by in life. Once I snuck a peek at my boyfriend's journal and it said, "yeah Becca is not the prettiest girl, but she's the best girl-friend I will probably ever have." I have always remembered that, I don't know if thats cruel or not but I knew I had to be smart, so I would be remembered for my brain and not my fat.

Can I be funny and smart and eclectic and cool and still be a skinny bitch?
How does that work? I have always joked about being a fat chick, I joked about it because I felt it made others feel more comfortable with my fatness.

Will I still be me in a different body? Will I still be me if I can dress like the pin-up girl image I am so fond of? Will I still be me if I can wear pink skirts and be feminine? Will I be compromising my "fuck you" to facist beauty standards? I guess not, they still make witty t-shirts in large, and I must admit, I look forward to buying jeans at Ross without having to search and search for a hard to find size 28-30.


The other thing Glynn and I have been doing is "Last Mealing". I can't help but want to eat all the fatty delicious junk food one last time before I won't be able to anymore. I know that if I started trying to diet now, maybe I could get the metabolism train goin' and hit the ground running after the surgery. But I just want a double cheesbuger and chocolate shake from Whaterbuger one last time. Feeling full feels fucking great! Don't anybody try to deny it!
I just know this is something I have to do. After having Gestational Diabetes, I know I have to do this for my son. To be healthy and happy and maybe he won't have to be the fat kid in school because of our shitty eating habits.

There will be pictures and stuff in the future.
Stay Tuned!

-B